Giving it away

Strange concept, isn’t it? That we have to give something away to keep it?
I know for many many years, I was a user and a taker and I never gave anyone much of anything except misery, heartache, worry and pain. I thought my real problem was that I was a “needy” person, cuz see that put the onus on you to fill my needs and when you didn’t it fueled my reasons for drinking and using. What I really was, was an emotional vacume and I would suck the life right out of you and then move on to the next person who I thought could fill my needs. See, my real problem is that Im a selfish and self-centered human being that saw alcohol as a solution for my living problem.
When I first walked into the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, I tried to do what I had always done. I tried to latch on to anyone who could fill that need, that big gaping hole inside my soul. I tried to find the “perfect” sponsor who could be responsible for getting me sober, keeping me sober and in the process would make me feel better. Im more grateful today than I ever have been that God has a plan for me and if I get out of His way and allow Him to work in my life, then that internal void doesn’t need to be filled with humans who I expect perfection from. The sponsor I have has been God directed, I wholeheartedly believe that. The process in which I got to her was God directed, and she will tell you that all she did for me was share her experience, strength and hope through the 12 steps and that it was God directed. She worked the steps with me and then told me to go out and do the same with some other suffering alcoholic who wanted it. Not someone who needed it (God knows there are plenty of those) but someone who wanted it.
Today I understand the concept of giving it away to keep it. When I work with another alcoholic, even though its uncomfortable, even though Im afraid Im going to screw up (or worse yet, screw them up) then I understand and get to experience the promises in my life.
Remember the ripple effect that was caused by our drinking and using? I drink……kids suffer, parents suffer, hubby suffers, employer suffers, creditors suffer, friends suffer and the list goes on.
Now, I help another alcoholic and I win, kids wins, parents win, hubby wins, employer wins, creditors win and friends win. And while its pretty cool that I win as a result, the best feeling ever is giving something away and watching another person benefit from that. Today I am so thankful to be useful instead of useless.