2 months 8 days. I need a break.

Posted 02 April 2014 - 01:18 PM "Around us, life bursts with miracles, a glass of water, a ray of sunshine, a leaf, a caterpillar, a flower, laughter, raindrops. If you live in awareness, it is easy to see miracles everywhere. Each human being is a multiplicity of miracles. Eyes that see thousands of colors, shapes, and forms; ears that hear a bee flying or a thunderclap; a brain that ponders a speck of dust as easily as the entire cosmos; a heart that beats in rhythm with the heartbeat of all beings. When we are tired and feel discouraged by life’s daily struggles, we may not notice these miracles, but they are always there." ~ Thích Nhat Hạnh~ It's been 2 months and 8 days since I last inhaled anything into my lungs. Im not normally a day counter.....I think it keeps my head in cigarettes, even if its just to pat myself on the back for how many days I haven't smoked any. I have nothing against folks who count their time.....quitting smoking is a damn big and amazing accomplishment! If one wants/needs to recognize their day count, kudos to them Posted Image I will celebrate your milestones with you. I looked up my time today using one of those on-line counters. Curiosity. 2 months and 8 days, huh? In some moments, it feels MUCH longer than that......in other moments it feels like I had a lighter in my hand just yesterday. I went through a yucky patch of bad skin, a funny stage of bad farts (funny for me, not so funny for family). I went through crying jags.....anger that made me want to hurt people, days that I didn't want to get out of bed. I was irrational at times. I filled my mouth with anything that wasn't moving, and then groaned about the weight gain that I was sure was just around the corner. (Funny....weight gain was the one secret reason I held on to as an open door for picking up smoking again. In my secret heart of hearts, I would say "If I put more than 20lbs on....then screw it, I'll just smoke. I cannot, WILL NOT deal with being overweight. Ya, I know....I probably have some real issues with body image and weight....but frankly, dealing with my boatload of addictions is enough for this lifetime thankyouverymuch. Ive been thin my entire life, and I have every intention of staying that way since I don't know how (nor have much interest in learning) to say no to cookies and potato chips. (And thank you oddly-funny life gods....but I havent gained a pound. Ive actually lost a couple . Go figure.) Say no to booze? Fine. Say no to pills? Okie dokie Say no to little piles of white powder? Sure Say no to inhaling anything? Alright, Im in. Say no to food stuffs? Screw off.....Ive drawn the line at substances that will actively kill me. If doritoes are going to passively kill me....so be it. Anyhow, I digress..... The fact that I am clean and sober of all substances today, that I am nicotine free, feels somewhat miraculous. Posted Image My first spring, as a non-smoker......and it actually feels like spring. I am not normally a 'commune with nature" kinda girl........but Im feeling a pull, to be outside. To be away from traffic and streetlights and the noise of tv's and news. I have the blessing of being able to do that...... Our cottage hasn't been officially 'opened' for the season, but I'm going to head up there today anyhow. Make a fire and spend the night. Listen to the birds instead of the radio. Watch the geese and deer instead of the city bus driving by. Feel the spring breeze on my face as I have coffee on my beloved dock. "When we are tired and feel discouraged by life's daily struggles, we may not notice these miracles but they are always there." Thanks Thich Nhat Hanh......for the reminder. I'm going to remove the noise so I can once again see them