Meeting you in my pajamas

Okay, do you know what drives me crazy? The brand new sober girls who come to meetings looking like they just stepped out of a photo shoot. Gorgeous outfits, every hair in place, flawless make-up, killer shoes and a hand bag to match. You know why it drives me crazy? Ummmm, cuz I did it. I didn’t realize at the time *why* I was doing it, but through my step work it was laid out on paper for me to see. It was a great way to keep people at bay. It was a way to send a message to everyone that I was FINE (which I now know to mean fucked-up interior, nice exterior). It stroked my ego and allowed me to feel better than people who didn’t look so well put together.
6 months in, I was wondering why I wasn’t connecting with anyone and why I didn’t feel better. I was physically sober, but emotional sobriety was a long way off.
After listening to a speaker one night address these issues, something started to click. I went up to thank her after the meeting and she took one look at me and said “Woooo girl! Don’t you look lovely! How long are you sober? Got a sponsor? What step are you on? Waddaya mean girls don’t like you? I have a suggestion for you and listen well. Go home, wash off that make-up, throw a ball cap on your head and go to a meeting wearing your pajamas.”
Huh? My pajamas? She didn’t mean those sexy pajamas either. She meant the flannel pj pants that bag in the bum.
It took me a few more weeks of doing things my way before I sucked it up and did as I was told.
I stripped away all the external bobbles that kept me hidden from the world. I threw on the jammies and went to a meeting.
I felt weird and uncomfortable and naked and vulnerable.
And people came up to me, sat beside me during the meeting, pulled me into conversations and invited me out for coffee. In my jammies! It looked to me like these weirdo alcoholics liked the me they could see without all the fixings. Huh. Go figure.
A cool thing happened as a result of taking that speakers suggestion. When I stripped off the physical masks that kept me from being completely and rigorously honest, I couldn’t help but to strip away some of the emotional masks that kept me from belonging and bonding and sharing.
So, if you are someone who dresses up to go to a meeting, I dare you to wear your jammies and see what happens. Do it……dig out those plaid pj pants and a baseball cap and get going. 