Cool J calms the Grandma

osted 03 March 2014 - 02:20 PM "When adversity strikes, that's when you have to be the most calm. Take a step back, stay strong, stay grounded and press on." ~LL Cool J~ Hahaha...I don't even really know who LL Cool J is, a rapper? An actor? An artist of some kind that has obviously changed his name. And Im old enough to think his name change was dumb. But I like the quote. I honestly don't know how long Ive been smoke free. 6 weeks maybe? Im just not counting, it somehow doesn't seem very important anymore. I just think of myself as a non-smoker. Its a nice corner to turn in my mind.....because along with not thinking about smoking, Im not very often thinking about not smoking. (Did that make sense??) I may even have had whole entire days where smoking/not smoking doesn't even enter my thoughts! I keep forgetting to take my champix though......I needed to set a reminder alarm on my phone. I would just throw the damn things out and be done with them, except I made a commitment to my Dr that I would follow through and stay on them for 12 weeks as long as I didn't experience any troublesome side effects. My house and home is upside down. Not physically (except for the baby gear that has taken over my once posh looking adult living room).....no no, its more of an emotional thing. For anyone who has followed, my daughter and baby came to live with us a couple of weeks ago. Since then, many things have happened, some good, some frustrating, and some that make me contemplate the merits of a hit-man. (For the record, this is nothing more than idle fantasy). The appropriate professionals have become involved and this is good. Hubby and I are simply not capable of undoing all of the damage that the baby-daddy has done. Posted Image It breaks my heart to have discovered all that has transpired in the last 4 years she has spent with him, and how very little she thought of herself to allow it to continue. Posted Image It is my greatest hope that she is not one of the large percentage of women who go back to their abusers. That is a very real possibility. Ive seen the statistics. Posted Image In the meantime, its day by day. One task at a time. One focus at a time. I had to have a mini-breakdown before I recalled how very important it is to take care of myself. If I don't, Im of no use to others. Ive upped my intake of 12 step meetings, upped my communication with my healthy go-to people, and scheduled down time for myself. Without hesitation I can say, my smoking career is over. This current drama that weaves itself in and out of my home is the most stressful thing I have ever been through. It has robbed me of sleep, I have lost 6 pounds (Ha!! Who says you gain weight when you quit smoking?!) yet.....I know smoking is not an answer. It would not relieve the stress. It would not help in any way, shape or form. And I have kept my commitment....to myself and my baby grandson. I will NOT be the stinky grandma.