Sing It With Me

Posted 13 February 2014 - 03:20 PM 20 days of freedom. "You don't tug on Superman's cape, you don't spit into the wind, you don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger and you don't mess around with Jim" ~Jim Croce~ I think it was 1984 when I began smoking. And I was as serious about it as a budding star studying their part for their debut on broadway. In order to fit, to be cool...I knew I had to get it right. I had to smoke the right kind (there were Players or DuMaurier, those were the cool kinds. Smoke something else and people assumed you stole them from your grandmother) I chose Dumaurier. The pack was red and I liked red. Back then it cost me $3.10. Easy to buy, I just used my lunch money. I spent my free time, the time I could escape from my parents watchful eye, in the park.....practicing. Practicing inhaling. Practicing making smoke trail up my nose. I practiced until the sick feeling passed, until my skin didn't feel/look green anymore. I practiced until I had it down....I looked like a smoker. How sad, I look back at that girl and shake my head at the willingness to push through the most awful, disgusting, sick feeling......in order to fit in. How very sad. I was the girl who spit into the wind. Regularly. Did I know back then? How addictive and harmful cigarettes were? Was the information there and I ignored it as a reckless teen would? Did I know that someday, I would struggle to rid myself of the addiction? That I would no longer see it as cool, but as shameful and weak? Would I have cared back then? Would my 14yr old self cared one little bit? Maya Angelou said "When you know better, you do better" I know better now. I am not that 14 year old girl. Im not that 25yr old, or even that 40 year old. I am not willing to go through another quit. THIS is my quit. THIS is the quit that matters. There are no future quits....that is not an option. Smoking is not an option. I know better now. So I will do better. I will not tug on Superman's cape anymore.