I Plan......The Universe Laughs

Posted 16 February 2014 - 12:14 PM “I used to think if you fell from grace it was more likely than not the result of one stupendous error, or else an unfortunate accident. I hadn't learned that it can happen so gradually you don't lose your stomach or hurt yourself in the landing. You don't necessarily sense the motion. I've found it takes at least two and generally three things to alter the course of a life: You slip around the truth once, and then again, and one more time, and there you are, feeling, for a moment, that it was sudden, your arrival at the bottom of the heap.” ~Jane Hamilton, A Map of the World~ I'm feeling strong, assured in my quit. I think its been 23 days. I've had a rough couple of days and it just never occurred to me that picking up a cigarette (an anything.....a drink, a pill, an 8-ball.....) was the answer. Emotional stuff, life doing what it does and throwing some curve balls. I suppose this strong assured feeling has come from knowing that if I can make it through last week without smoking, then I can make it through anything without smoking. And then..... Because I have knowledge about addiction (different than wisdom by the way. I would hardly call myself wise when it comes to my own addictions) I am aware of things like complacency, ego, cockiness. I know that those things can and will contribute to my 'fall from grace'. So how do I prevent that? How do I prevent myself from slipping around the truth? I believe it is dangerous territory for me to say "I've got this" and then attempt to carry on as if I never was addicted, be it to nicotine, alcohol or any other substance. I guess that's why some of the Old Pharts (I think that name is so stupid by the way) encourage members to stick to the board for at least a year. Ive made that commitment. (Now, because I think its an [beeeep]-ish thing to do.....to talk about 'life throwing me curve balls and not elaborate, I will do that for anyone who may be reading. I hate when I read the words of others, be it a blog, an article, a facebook status.....and they are vague! Damnit, if you are going to allude to it...then out with it! Gimmee the goods!)) My daughter, the one who has just had a baby (yup, the baby I quit smoking for) is coming home. With baby in tow. Life as we know it is about to change. Seriously change. Of 4 kids, we just had the youngest left at home. And she's 16....well on her way to independence. Over the last year we did a major house renovation. We gutted the main floor of our home and made it the house of our dreams. We didn't choose fits and finishes with children in mind......we chose what we liked. And now, sooner than we expected, we are going to have to begin phase two.....the lower level. We are going to need to accommodate daughter and baby. Short term, its ok.....we give up the bedroom that was an office and give it to them. Thank goodness she is coming home. We've been hoping for this since she met the 'baby-daddy' 4 years ago. To say that he has issues would be the understatement of the century. But he finally 'fell from grace' and she was willing to see it with the whole truth this time. He isn't interested in changing. Thank goodness we are in a position to be able to offer her and the baby a safe, nurturing home. Thank goodness she doesn't have to be one more girl in social housing, trying desperately to somehow get out of the system. Not one bit of this is ideal. This was not our plan. We have to give up plans we had in order to accommodate this 'curve ball'. Building our new garage has to wait. Our boat will continue to stay in off-site storage for another year or two. My beautifully designed living room is going to fill up with baby stuff. Tiny people come with a lot of gear! I don't want it to appear I am full of complaints. I know I am blessed. I truly am. But life as I know it is about to change.